First Bad Day in a Long While

I really wanted to try fish broth again, but the last time it was just too strong and fishy, so I made it with one fish, added water to the gelled broth and added leeks, onions, green onions, salt, and a few peppercorns.  I also made salmon cakes with canned salmon, egg whites, salt, green onions, and chicken patties (as a filler/binder).

It was delicious!  So nice to have something new!  However, we have not had many of those ingredients for a long time and several of us are having a very bad day, me in particular.  I can not see the positive side of anything!  Yesterday I could handle anything and today the world is falling apart around me.  I see all of the broken things, all of the unfinished things, all of the problems and hinderances, and all of the mistakes.  Everything seems hard and overwhelming.  Logically, I know nothing has changed, but emotionally everything has changed.  No one can do anything right!  This is how I feel today.  I know that the truth is that everyone else is basically the same and my tolerance level dropped out from under me.

I am quick tempered.  One would think that if you know what is going on, then you could control it better, but this is not the case.  I know what is going on, but I still feel angry, bitter, frustrated, and depressed.  I can't make myself FEEL different.  My knowledge and my emotions are at war!

Here is what I believe.  Diet/food reaction is the trigger, but to some degree, sin is at the heart of it.  I am unable to control or contain the negative thoughts that are always on the inside.  (Although, I have to admit that in some instances I think totally and completely different about stuff when reacting to a food or chemical.  I don't understand this.)  Lord, help me to finally let go of all bitterness, anger, and rage!  Change my heart, Oh God!  I want to be like You!