It's a Roller Coaster Ride

Yep, it's a roller coaster ride. Up, down, up, down, but I don't care how I get there, so long as I get there. I'm talking about healing my children and giving them a chance at living a full, blessed, and abundant life. It is my hope that they will each come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior and that they would love Him and serve Him all the days of their lives.

I would opt for instant healing. I would love an immediate change, but I know that I would quickly forget and I would, we would, quickly fall back into old habits and routines and would probably take for granted the mighty work the Lord has done for us. This way of healing is changing so many things in all of us. I am grateful for the work that is being done. I am happy for who we are becoming. It is slow and arduous, but the changes will be lasting changes.

We are not there yet and we have some pretty ugly days here and there, but they are fewer and farther in between. These past few weeks (months?) have been difficult and trying at times, but there is much evidence of healing, too.

Evidence of healing:

Me - no more constipation (daily formed, normal brown poos); more energy; no more waking up sore and stiff (unless I overdo the salicylates); no more gas pains and tummy tenderness; feet look younger; acne gone; no more itchy skin; fungal infections on feet and on toenails gone; fingernails no longer split and peel; strange itchy circles on chest gone; gums no longer bleed when I floss; my drippy nose rarely drips anymore; no more headaches (I used to take Flonase or Nasacort nightly or I would get debilitating migraines); fewer panic attacks; depression only rarely rears it's ugly head but does not last for very long; I can eat egg yolks without getting asthma, hic-cups, or rage; I can eat nuts without getting asthma, itchy palms, or becoming overwhelmed and emotional (limited); I can eat berries without becoming overwhelmed and emotional (limited); I can eat berries without waking in the night frozen and in great pain; I am holding steady at a healthy weight (not too low despite the fact that I am nursing); I have been able to nurse my fifth baby on demand without experiencing the overabundant milk supply that caused frustrating issues and caused too much weight loss; I'm happier than I ever was; I am now capable of organizing and maintaining the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry); I can actually cook from scratch (before we started the Feingold diet 4-5 years ago, I could not boil water without burning it - ha ha); I can go hours between meals/snacks and still feel great; I'm sure there's more, but that sums it up pretty good. Challenges remaining - I still can not eat too many salicylates without getting rigid, irritable, and frustrated; I still can not tolerate more than a little bone broth, if that, without becoming angry; still working my probiotic dose up ever so slowly to a therapeutic dose; diet is still very limited (missing out on, garlic, spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower)

12yo - improved eye contact; improved memory; improved social skills; improved strength and coordination; sensory issues have become minimal (only bad when introducing new food, increasing probiotic, or when he's sick); eats with fork (less shoveling); less rigidity and fewer obsessive/addictive tendencies; fewer annoying habits (I will not list these); no more stinky behavior; handwriting is greatly improved; spelling is greatly improved; understanding of math concepts is greatly improved; ability to remember and utilize the basics is finally there (he was getting C's, D's, and F's in math and writing because of all the little mistakes that ultimately led to wrong answers, but now he is getting A's all around); he's now teachable; he learns new things quickly now (it used to take forever to teach him a new concept, even seemingly simple ones, and then they wouldn't always stick and I'd have to show him again and again; no longer oppositional or defiant; happy; good attitude; fewer stomach aches; fewer body aches; fewer trips to the bathroom (he used to live in the bathroom); daily formed, normal brown poos instead of 5-8 mushy messes with lots of undigested bits (glad you stayed for this bit of info?!?); headaches are now rare; actually likes school; he concentrates better; he can narrate what he's read soooooo much better now (he could not narrate before because he could not organize it and communicate it in a meaningful way; he plays well with his little brothers and is a great help with them; he can be trusted to make better decisions, better choices; understands things better; communicates better; does not repeat himself over and over and over anymore; does not ask the same questions over and over and over anymore because now he remembers that he asked and now he remembers the answer more often than not; no more croupy cough and constant clearing of throat; generally nicer to be around; no more meltdowns (rare); again, I'm sure there's more, but hey, if this was it, who could complain? Challenges remaining - still gets weak and feels generally bad in the mornings; gets headaches (but not as often as he used to get them); lately he has been dizzy and has been losing his balance (huh? GAPS related?); he has also started doing this weird eye thing where he looks surprised or scared, but at odd times. It can happen numerous times during a conversation. He is not aware that he is doing it; there are some other challenges, but I think I will move on. (update 11/7/10: not doing the weird eye thing anymore, short-lived during a period of die-off, whew!)

9yo - stopped flipping letters and numbers; stopped switching letters and numbers; started to read and now loves to read; tells me the letters don't jiggle and move off the page anymore; math became a breeze (subtraction and multiplication easy after struggling with simple addition for over a year before GAPS); happier; depression gone (used to wish she would die or had never been born); rages gone (still waiting on adding food that brought about some scary rages in the past); plays well with all of her siblings (used to absolutely hate her sister and used to just do mean things, liked making others scared of her); she is now an absolute dream child as she helps around the house, loves to do her schoolwork, and is so great at entertaining everyone and making everyone laugh; her artistic endeavors improve daily; constipation is gone and she poos daily at least once; eczema is gone; she can now eat fruit, nuts, and honey without itching (yeast, whole body general itchiness, and eczema); can eat eggs with yolks without rages; can tolerate some salicylate foods without reactions; fewer headaches; I'm sure there's more. Challenges remaining - bedwetting (but it's less since we added nuts); headaches (still too often).

6yo - rages stopped (only occasional when exposed to something like ink, paint, smells, chemicals); growing taller (she is super small, but has grown nearly 2 inches in the past year), gaining weight (33? Pounds to 40 pounds); does not hate the taste and smell of everything anymore (she actually loves to eat now); not as sensitive to textures anymore (example-she can eat the fat with her meat without gagging or throwing a fit, but still not her favorite); likes vegetables (used to hate all veggies); no longer whines; no longer cries about every little thing like it was the end of the world; happier for sure (smiles all the time); can actually eat some nut butter without getting too unbearably itchy (still a bit itchy, but we try not to push it past the point where she can't stand it); can now eat egg yolks with no reactions; learned to read with little effort on my part; math is coming super easy for her; learns things with little effort now (she used to give up before even trying); plays well with siblings; again, I'm sure there's more, but moving on. Challenges remaining - bedwetting (still soaked through every night); eczema, especially on forehead where she scratches until she bleeds; leg cramps still cause her lots of pain, particularly if we spend a lot of time outside (she will sometimes wake several times in the night crying. Thankfully, detox baths help a bit); diet is still limited for her and all of us.

3yo - he feels so much better overall and he is a happy boy most of the time; eye contact is much improved; language is developing normally (only slipping from time to time as we add food or increase a healing food or a probiotic; sometimes he is actually the most normal 3yo you will ever see and so intelligent, too; only rigid when adding or increasing foods or probiotics; only sensory seeking when adding or increasing foods or probiotics (loud, physical, bumping, ramming, squeezing, stomping, etc.); generally he is almost the happy, easy-going, independent little boy that he was before the vaccine injury; loves all of the food I make and serve (had previously tried to limit his diet to lemonade and cookies); coordination is back; can sometimes color beautifully in the lines (not bad for 3 1/2); knows most of his letters and all of his numbers through 12 (recognize, write, and sign); loves to read again; loves to do puzzles again; plays make believe games with his sisters; what appeared to be seizures is gone (virtually gone after 3weeks on a limited full GAPS and only resurfaced when we tried to introduce sulfur foods during the first year of the diet); no more grabbing at his eyes and crying in pain; no more odd stimming behaviors; poo is improving in texture and color with less undigested bits; whines less and uses good manners (responds well to do overs when he forgets to use good manners); more?!? Challenges remaining - still regresses a bit when adding/increasing healing foods and probiotics; still regresses when exposed to chemicals on skin or in the air (we have to be careful with him); still has undigested food in stool; still has skin rashes/eczema all over his body and really bad in his diaper area; still resists potty training and has yet to put poo in the potty since before the vaccine injury (he was training easily and on his own before he started to regress); still rigid about some things (example-he will only wear long jeans and a t-shirt no matter what the weather is like); still has days or weeks here and there where he just looks like he feels miserable and he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything unless it is with mommy; that will do for listing challenges, but we have come a long way even with this long list of challenges.

18 month old - he is developing beautifully; he sleeps through the night; coordinated (can climb on anything and he does not fall); catches himself when he trips or stumbles over something and pretty much never hits his head on the floor; learning language right on track (I think); easy-going; happy; interactive and makes great eye-contact; loves to explore with other people who tell him what things are and show him how things work; plays nicely with his siblings and also plays well independently; he had food intolerances when he was born and I had to eliminate dairy and a few other things from my diet, but he seems to be tolerating all of the GAPS food well as it is introduced; his poos are beginning to form up more and more and there is less undigested food in his stool than earlier on. Challenges - none that I can think of. This child has not had any vaccinations to date.

Wow! That feels great to have put all of that down in writing! Knowing how far we have come and seeing that we are indeed healing is what keeps me going on the days where it all feels overwhelming and too much (which of course are the days when I am having a reaction to something). We really are healing! I have to shout out praise to my God who heard me when I called out to him in desperation. He heard my prayer and He answered me! He gives me what I need.

Like I said before, God has the power to heal in an instant, but I know my heart and the heart of my children and we wanted to be healed so that we could be like everyone else and live a life of comparative ease. I am grateful for all that we are learning on this journey. We are healing slowly. We are changing slowly. The changes in us are permanent and I am glad!

How do I wrap this up? I am so full of joy right now I don't want to stop! I pray that this is encouraging for others on a similar path of healing. May God bless all who have visited my blog and read any of my entries. Amen!