December 5, 2010

"My Not Happy"

When CKS doesn't feel well or when things are not going his way, he says, "My not happy."

So I am here today to say, "My not happy."

Our younger dd, age 6, ate lots of desserts at a pot luck lunch at our church today when we were not looking. We are talking wheat, sugar, artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives, and pasteurized, homogenized, non-organic milk products. Let's not forget the unhealthy kinds of oils used, too. I could cry. What I don't understand is that so far there seems to be no obvious reactions. She did mention her arms aching, but that it would come and go. Where's the eczema?!? Give her a bit of honey and some fruit and she almost instantly itches on her forehead and in the warm, moist places on a girl's body. What's up with that?

The only thing that I can guess is that her body is in shock and does not know how to respond to what just happened and it will deal with it later. If she is fine all week, then I should just give this whole venture up entirely. That's how I feel. This doesn't make sense to me.

Really, I won't quit! She used to wake up nightly, even before the obvious vaccine injury, with leg cramps, tummy aches, worries, and bad dreams. Now she sleeps through the night 99% of the time. She used to throw angry, hateful fits over the smallest things. Now she is pleasant and helpful, kind and considerate. She used to be a picky eater. Now she eats what we serve.

She likes our food, at least most of it, but she longs to be done with the diet and be able to eat anything. She needs more variety?!? She is concerned about appearance?!? I know it embarrasses her to have to eat differently. I can't do much about that other than just not put her in a position where she and/or others are eating together. No more pot luck dinners. It's too much work for me anyway, and with five kids, two little, I am not free to mingle much anyway. It is WAY too much trouble!!! No more birthday parties! Maybe the reason her sister And I are fine with fruit and honey and she is not is because we have never cheated and she has. She used to cheat. Maybe she still does and this is the first time we caught her. Oh!!! I am sooooo not happy!!!

What to do?!? What to do?!?

We have let her go to friends' houses and birthday parties because we thought we could trust her, finally. We thought she was finally understanding. Today, I let her sit with a friend at the pot luck because I thought she would be fine. Now I know she can't be trusted yet. Oh! Oh! Oh!! I do not like this! I want to trust my kids. I want to give them freedoms. I do not like this feeling of not being able to trust her!

I really need to go to the Lord with this. YES, that's what I need to do.

Heavenly Father, You know my heart. You know my pain. You understand fully what I am going through because You know me better than I know myself. You are God and You have authority over all things. Nothing is a surprise for You. Nothing is beyond You. Your hand is in all things and You work all things together for the good of those who love You and whom You have called according to Your purposes. Help me to see this from Your perspective. Help me to trust You and Your ways with this. I know that to lash out in anger would be contrary to your will. I know that I should regard her with love. I know that I should be patient and kind. I need to always protect, trust, hope and persevere. Show me what that looks like. Pull me out of this lowly funk I am in. Lift me out of the depths. Give me the strength to persevere. You have called me to the task. You will provide a way for me. My strength comes from You. Without You I can do nothing. All things are possible with God. Thank You for your Word and for recalling these truths to my mind. Help me to keep this in my mind tonight and throughout the day tomorrow. In the name of my Lord and my Saviour, Jesus Christ, I thank You for everything. How blessed we are. How blessed I am. I will continue to give my best for these children, who are only mine for a time. They are eternal beings and they are Yours. I will glorify You by giving them the best I have. Amen.

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